Mom Speak : Motherhood does not come with a manual
I gained 20 plus kilos - during my pregnancy, everyone around me was happy with my progress and kept telling me I would have a round munchkin. I believed them.
Both me and the Mr. would dream of a bubbly ball of marshmallow smiling at us. A smile that would pierce through all the worries and bring in – inner peace.
The day arrived and I naturally birthed my son - Baby Liam. He weighed 2.48 kg (decent for me). I was glad he wasn’t huge and I was least bothered about his weight and was thankful to God for this miracle baby, little did I know things would change the very next day.
The nurse entered our room with a wide smile. I smiled back and there I saw a needle and a small machine in her hand. She did not inform me or anyone in the room what she was going to do. She took his tiny feet and pricked the needle onto his heels. HE CRIED. I yelled (in a nice way) she checked and said all good - and she left. I calmed him and thought it was all over. My mother was anxious and wanted to know the reason for the prick. But I buried the situation and calmed her saying it could be some test to check if the baby was doing well.
But they came again to prick him the SECOND time and I asked them (not gently this time) why are you hurting him, and they replied, "he is UNDERWEIGHT, we need to check his sugar levels - the test will be done THRICE every day for the next two days". My heart sank. I did everything I could have done during my pregnancy, I did not know what went wrong where. I was broken and so was my Family. Each time they pricked him, he would cry and cry and cry. It hurt all of us, we could not see him in pain. My mom reassured me just one thing, feed him and all will be well.
Each time his sugar levels went low, the nurse would ask me if I am REALLY lactating?! I began doubting myself. I failed while he was in my womb and now I am failing has his mother. I couldn’t figure out what was going wrong.
I KNEW I was lactating. I knew he was being fed. Everyone around me doubted – but my mother stood by me and directed me to continue feeding. I breastfed my little prince with little or no sleep. Every part of my body was mourning with all the labor and the stitches. I sat in odd positions to give him the best comfort I could. I did not want to FAIL again. This was a battle I wanted to WIN, a battle I chose from the very first day I knew he was a part of us, a battle to prove not to the world but to me that being a mother now for me is the most POWERFUL, SIGNIFICANT , MEANINGFUL , AUTHORITATIVE , SUPREME , HUMBLE force that has conquered the world. I had to win this battle and I was determined to fight against all odds. My son needs me the most NOW. And I stopped doubting myself, I knew I was doing the right thing, I fed him straight – and everything was normal once again.
We were now ready to get discharged, my hubby came back saying all is done and we can leave. Just as we were about to leave, the doctors asked for a final prick, I was confident and asked them to go ahead with a wide smile on my face. BUT, we learned that baby L was low in sugar and that we had to stay back else we were putting his life at risk.
I cried like a baby, I thought I was not able to feed him enough. I cried thinking I can never be a good mother. I wept and wept. My hubby, mom and nurse consoled me but nothing helped. That's when my hubby gave me a choice, let’s buy formula and feed him both your milk and formula. Even though I disagreed at first- I couldn't stand them pricking my LO anymore, I just wanted to leave the hospital and I agreed.
We went home and I breastfed him and JUST THAT. I did not want formula, it was a personal choice I made and as a mother I knew it was the best for him at this moment. There is no turning back from that day. I remember I never slept and it led to rashes and itchiness all over my skin, but I was so adamant to continue what I was doing and from there, there’s been no full stop. The formula tin is unopened and four months down to today, I can proudly say my little baby L is a winner and weighs just right for his age. OH!! and he has certainly turned out to be our little ball of marshmallow 😊 (Kuttypoo)
This for me was a milestone I will never forget. A milestone achieved with constant support from my hubby and mom.
To all the moms out here: YOU are a creation of love, humbleness, patience. YOU are powerful, significant, supreme. YOU know your child more than anyone else. Believe and Trust yourself and in all this do not shy away from help, at the end you are a person – you need REST too. Pat your back each time you win or lose – because you are your only source of encouragement – only you know what battles to pick. Which is why you should follow Dory’s advice “Just Keep Swimming”
PS: A mother knows what is right for her and her baby, whether formula-Fed or breastfed!! YOU mommy, know what is best.
Warrior,
Meredith
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